Profile - Patience Chabvuta - The Koan Practice

Since 2002, in the NHS and at The addiction treatment centre(2002-2009) I work with couples based on the theory and practice of Gestalt and Humanistic therapy.Gestalt therapy is a holistic,experiential and relational way of working with couples and includes mindfulness.A well lived life is founded on a person’s awareness of how they live their life and how they manage their relationships especially with their immediate loved ones.

Too often as humans we wait until the relationship is on the verge of a break-up or when one partner is “done” before a decision to attend couple therapy. Many couples hesitate to attend because of the shame that binds which can mescarade as believing, “I don’t want to be told what to do in my relationship, and we can fix the problems on our own”.

However, relationships can be hard work and at times couples will require a new skill of working that does not focus on the there and then of your personal history.As a psychotherapist I can facilitate on how your present life is being affected by past dynamics.A present centred therapy with couples includes a dynamic naming of your thoughts,feelings and learning to listen in openness rather than listening to respond.

While in the sessions I also use creative ways as to what made the couple fall in love in the first place by supporting couples to find new ways to heal old wounds .While in a session,talking about the problem is only half the solution,at times couples can be so absorbed in the problem that they have forgotten to live and have laughter and fun in their lives.My role includes facilitating couples to reconnect using very simple and yet proven methods by scientific research to rebuild your bond as a couple.

Couples therapy can:

1) Enhance communication

Strategies such as the “silent treatment,” shouting or using disrespectful words can damage a relationship. In couples therapy, you can discover effective, healthy communication strategies to ensure that both of your wants, needs and frustrations are heard in a respectful manner, while learning how to create a relationship that encourages sharing, talking and connecting.

2) Increase intimacy

Ignoring you partners pleas for intimacy and/or sex can lead to a lack of connectedness, foster feelings of insecurity and rejections, and increase the likelihood of infidelity. Couples can discover a partner’s language of love, and it can also provide you with tips and strategies to keep the spice in the relationship.

3) Work through infidelity

Relationships can recover and be saved when rocked by infidelity. Learn what factors contributed to infidelity, safeguard your relationship from future occurrences of infidelity, and learn ways to forgive, trust and to be trusted/or to couple in a blended family and work through endings in a way that will honour your parenting where children and co-parenting are the norm.

4) Let go of the past

Baggage from past issues of abandonment, trust or lack of follow through can fracture a relationship, and your partner may be unaware you are still stewing over those issues from the past! In the session learn to become unstuck, find ways to move on, forgive and focus on your happiness and the future and this looks different to every couple.

5) When you think you might be happier with someone else

If you have been with your partner for many years, things can become boring. Attention from a past lover or coworker has you wondering if you could be happier with someone else. However, the grass is not always greener on the other side. In couples counseling learn to start where you are and look at the despair and how to reconnect with you if change is what you want and this can include separation with dignity and respect.

6) Disagreements in raising children

The way you parent, discipline, and nurture your children anger or frustrate your partner. Couples counseling can help you agree upon effective strategies to raise your children and reduce inconsistencies in parenting which can create children who mirror back what is not working in your relating strategies.

7) Money management

You love, new gadgets and electronics, spending money that you can ill afford to spend, and pay the bills late while your partner is frugal, saving money for a rainy day, purchase of a home and retirement. Working together we can get at the root of the financial problem or reckless spending, and outline financial goals for the family.

Therapists

Couples Therapists

Patience Chabvuta

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